OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
