Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
