i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
