sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
