you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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