and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
