His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
