Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
