I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
