i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
