I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
false alarm. still invincible.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Too much gin, very little bucket
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
