My Higher Power is John Stamos
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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