i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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