Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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