yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
