wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
