How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
