I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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