so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
