I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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