i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
