Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
