meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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