I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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