I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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