thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
