one might say we're banned from that church
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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