There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
