Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
