life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
