I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
