I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
