I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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