I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize