smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it glows. i had to have it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
