I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
