Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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