dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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