Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
