Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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