I am puke
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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