I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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