i love accidental penises.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
