i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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