I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
