In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
