I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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