i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
