I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
