what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
