wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
