This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
