Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
