Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
