If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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