Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
