She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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