I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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