we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize