im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
