im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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