If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
