there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
